Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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