i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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