if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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