I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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