I am puke
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
