I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize