I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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