Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
