if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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