"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
