I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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