Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
