oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I cut my penus on the lid.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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