I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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