So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
