Your face is a jimmy john
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
whose ass print is on the piano?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
