I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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