matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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