I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
