who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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