I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
