I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
