I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
