Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
