I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
