i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
