dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
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