Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
