i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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