So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize