now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
