dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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