Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize