After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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