worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
