you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
