I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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