One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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