I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
