i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
