You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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