Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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