Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
