It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize