OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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