bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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