One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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