pop tarts are not kleenex
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
