if i can run in heels then i can drive
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
