Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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