I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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