imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
