Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
