I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
