I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize