its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
