That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
