your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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