So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
