Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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