i don't like sucking hair
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize