went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
