The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
