my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
