his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
