You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Four minutes until I can fart!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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