well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
