Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
