the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
